Nirbhaya's letter to her mom

Before I could share my experience, We could read Nirbhaya's letter to her mom, which i came across in the social media.

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As you are all aware that Nirbhaya could not speak due to breathing problems and constant organ failures. So she communicated by writing notes. These have been put together by her mother on her tragic death and released. They go like this.........

Dear Mom,

I AM SORRY, MOM, I CAN'T FIGHT ANY MORE !!

I still remember, mom when once you and dad asked me what I need to do in my life. I replied I will reduce the pain of other people and became a physiotherapist so that I can try my level best to reduce the pain of others. But today I am not able to resist my own pain. Doctors are slashing my body parts for the fifth time like they were never the parts of my body… it is paining a lot, mom.

I am not able to breathe properly and they attached an oxygen cap. please tell the doctors not to give me the anesthesia, mom.

I am scared.
I don’t want to close my eyes.
If I close my eyes it takes me to that scary phase of my life where I was being cut into pieces.

I was just a bunch of flesh which was being continuously chopped by those animals.
Those faces were very scary, mom
They were like those hungry animals who were biting at every part of my body.

I don’t have the courage to look at myself in the mirror.
Mom, please break all the mirrors near me.

Please take me to the bath. I want to bathe. I want to sit under the shower for years mom so that I can wash the inhuman touch which has made me hate my own body. I tried to go towards bathroom but my stomach pain didn’t allow me to move myself.

I can’t raise my head to see you standing outside the door.
When someone enters in my room I feel very scared, mom.
My heartbeats gets faster and my eyes search for you.
Please be around me. I don’t want to be alone.

Mom these medical instrument beeps are haunting my brain.
They sound like those unhelping traffic sounds which muted my cry and pleads which I was doing at that time, mom.

The silence of this room reminds me of that silence when I was thrown on the deserted road.
I don’t know what happened but I was feeling very cold the same way like a person shivering with very high temperature.

Mom, do you remember once when dad slapped me in childhood, how much you fought with him
until dad brought my favorite chocolate…
Where is dad, mom?? I can’t see him... is he ok mom ???
Please don’t let him cry, mom.

Do you remember once how dad got angry on you when you used to shout at me for anything?

They have beaten me and my dearest friend with some metal rod.
It was paining a lot, mom.
I saw how he was bleeding to save me but they were cowards.
They kept on beating him till he collapsed and then they scratched every part of my body repeatedly, mom.

You always taught me to fight with difficult situations but I am very weak in this situation.
please hold my hand, mom, I want to sleep, mom, please put my head in your lap.

Please wash my body.
Give me some pain killers, my stomach is paining.

Please tell the doctor not to cut more parts of my body. its paining a lot.
I am sorry, mom, I can’t fight any more..!!!

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Lot of discussions are going on, in the social media, whether this letter is Genuine or Fake. But it doesn't matter to me, even if its a fake one because I see the element of truth. It was a difficult time I had in office, while I was going through this letter...............

Its the truth that Nirbhaya had to go through lot of physical pain, when she underwent surgery for 5 times. Today, I was not seized by the anger against those rapists but I wished and wished it again and again, if at the moment of her death, she was not surrounded by those surgical instruments but was surrounded by the loving energy, which was the very need of the hour.

Had we hanged those rapists, at the time when Nirbhaya was on her hospital bed, would that given her relief from the pain she was experiencing? I wish people would look more closely at people who are nearing death and understand what they need really.

If you still don't feel what i am saying, please go through this blogpost of a doctor's sharing :  http://life-after-joining-ishayoga.blogspot.in/2012/04/how-doctors-choose-to-die.html