Malladihalli Swami’s search for vision of God – “I forgot where I was”

Sadhguru's Yoga Teacher Sri Sri Raghavendra Rao, popularly known as "Malladihalli Swamiji"

                                  I had returned from school, one Saturday to Barkur. On the very same day, I was acquainted to Sri Nityanand Swamiji who blessed me with Tarakayoga (ShaktipathaYoga). After this rare incident, my mind was entirely bent upon spiritualism. From that day onwards, an inner urge developed in me to have the vision of God and to be one with God and to have the rare experience of Samadhi.

Sri Sri Nithyanadji Swamiji

 I sat meditating in lonely places like forest, hillock and the ruins of old temples. But I would be greatly worried when I neither had the vision of God, nor could get Samadhi. I would beg and implore whoever saint, or bairagi, or babaor religious master I used to meet—"Have you seen God? Would you please show me God? None of them could show me God—how could they show me any God when they had never seen one? At last, somehow I completed my examination and wrote to my house—"It is my grave intention to have the vision of God. So, I am leaving for the purpose. Do not try to trace me out. Please take away my bag and baggage left in my room". Thus I left‐Where to?

The turmoil I had undergone during this wandering is inexplicable. True, for my innermost soul was indicating the fact, that unless I would undergo these turmoil, I could never reach my goal. It was an unexpected surprise for me to come across many a cheat in the guise of an ascetic. A few of them were opium eaters; a few others, heavy drunkards; a few more, great debauchers. Thus amid these, my journey continued, without food and drink, unclad, seeking the whereabouts of Almighty. I went on foot, from place to place. It was my greatest woe that I could not find God till then; it would make me shed tears alone not for my mendicancy, but for my inability to witness God.

My feet were bleeding, due to my incessant walk; my body was emaciated in the heat of the Sun. But I would solace my self—"This is a kind of test by the Almighty. The harder the test, greater would be my inner power." I shed tears —not for woman, neither for land, nor for money but only for a vision of God; this purpose of tears would make me quite glad. 

Sri Sri Shivananda Swamiji

It was at this juncture, that I came across a piece of news in a Marathi daily, that a great soul, Sri Sri Swami Shivananda would visit Pandarapur, to deliver his holy preaching. I immediately changed my course and with great difficulty, I arrived at Pandarapur. But to my misfortune, I learnt that the Swamiji just left for Poona. I straightly went again to Poona. It was herculean task to trace out the whereabouts of Swamiji, in a great city like Poona. After walking about a long distance, for two or three weeks, I was able to find the great soul at last; I was very successful in winning over his heart in my favor and stayed with him. But Swamiji would never stay in a single place. I stayed with him for three to four years, and continued Yoga, learnt from Sri Palini Swamiji.

On one of these days, there was a speech by Swamiji in Kolaba. It was a scholarly discourse on spirituality, a piece of his evergreen scholarship. The audience was spell‐bound to give it a hearing. After this lecture, I was completely overtaken by my ever longing desire of having a vision of God. I was shedding tears, not caring about my food. The Swamiji approached me with great love and enquired me about my grief. I could not help sobbing—"Swamiji, I have been with you in this Ashram, just to have a vision of God, with your kind blessings. But till now, you have not kept your word. Especially after hearing your speech this day, I am unable to control my longing to see God. Kindly show him—I beg you"—so saying I fell down at his feet.

The Swamiji who was listening to me, took me up and solaced me —"Karnataki (this was how he used to address me). Our meditation should be according to the environment. Have you cared to notice the surrounding society? Crores of children living in this holy motherland are starving, ill‐clad, hungry and ailing—now, have you understood the pain of their innermost personalities? Are you not moved with pity, to see your own brethren thus suffering? And you are shedding tears to see God.“These ailing beings are nothing but God Himself. You must find your God in these people —Feel that their sufferings are your own—you should try to wipe out the tears, in the eyes of these; If, in case, you do a lot of penance and have the vision of God, it would help you alone—but not to the suffering million. Mother India has sent you with a mission to put an end to the grief of these people. You should not be selfish—now, you should render selfless service and have the blessings of the Almighty"—thus, spoke the Swamiji for two hours, in detail—he was successful in bringing about a metamorphosis in my very personality. At last, he interrogated me whether I should see God, or render selfless service to humanity. I forgot where I was. There was a thorough change in me. I touched his holy feet and took an oath to follow his advice to the core.