Questioner: My son is unable to cope with the death of his grandfather. How do I deal with this situation?

Sadhguru: Death is not a surprise. It does not take enormous intelligence and research, nor do you need education to find out whether you will die or not. It is inborn in every human being the moment s/he is born.

By the time you are four or five you know you will die, isn’t it? In spite of knowing this, you do nothing. Do you want to do something about it after the funeral is over? You cannot handle it like this, all of a sudden.This is not something that you handle at that very moment. When someone has lost a dear one and you try to philosophise by telling him/her that it is okay and that only the body dies the soul does not, you will hurt the person even more. That is not the right time for these words. This is something that needs to be brought into your life early enough.

It is not that people are not aware of death, but they try to close their eyes to it. It will be good if you look at it with openness. You must introduce it into your life and your children’s lives very early. Just remind children, “Death is a natural thing, and it is bound to happen. It is not a calamity; it is a natural process of life”.

It is good if you can talk to your children about your own death; it is good if they know that their parents will die some day. This will make them stronger. If something untoward happens and you die, your children will be able to handle their lives. Don’t you want to bring up your children in such a way that they can live a sensible and balanced life? Or do you want that when you disappear they be destroyed as well? Which way do you want to bring them up? If you do not acquaint them with death, they will not be able to accept it — whether it is in your family, or someone else’s. We are not wishing or inviting death, but if something happens, we must be able to carry on with our lives.

This does not mean that you will not miss

your loved ones or that you will not have the normal human emotions — no, you will have all that, but it will not destroy you. Everything that occurs in your life can enrich you if you can handle it with a certain sense of awareness. If you are unaware, everything that happens will be a problem.

So, when a dearest one dies, it is an enormous possibility for you to grow beyond your limitations. But you use it to destroy yourself. When you have paid such a big price of losing someone who is very dear to you, should you not benefit from it? It is awareness that will make you believe in death, and stay calm when it comes.

— Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev, a prominent spiritual leader, is a visionary, humanitarian, poet and internationally-renowned speaker.
He can be contacted at www.ishafoundation.org